RTB
by Yuki-kon
Summary: Jack has watched Rei fly off to an uncertain future too many times before, he simply can't bear it anymore. - A take on some moments of reflection during the final battle.


The room was dark when Jack entered it. He could barely make out Rei's slender form on the lower bunk bed. Had the quarters always been so small? Maybe he should have organized something better for his best pilot.  
Jack shook his head. His mind tried to distract him from the reason for which he was here, from the reason he had wanted to come.  
"You're going to take Yukikaze", he said, trying his hardest not to show any sign of the emotions that boiled under his composed outward appearance.  
"Understood." Rei's voice didn't waver at all, it was matter-of-fact as usual. He simply nodded and proceeded to stand up, his expression empty.  
And that didn't make it any easier for Jack not to lose his temper. His fists started to clench and unclench unconsciously.  
"Just like that you're ready for this", he deduced from Rei's indifferent attitude. But he wasn't talking about Yukikaze. Unlike Rei he cared about more than the Super Sylph and the mission right now. He gritted his teeth.  
Rei's silence seemed to answer his question perfectly well and finally Jack snapped.  
"Don't you understand? Those JAM want you and Yukikaze." He grabbed the uniform lying over the back of the chair and dragged it all over the desk standing next to it. "What do you think will happen if you go out there?"  
Pencils, books and various equipment cluttered to the floor. Then everything fell silent again. Except for Jack's erratic breathing not a sound could be heard, not even from the raging battle outside or the blaring sirens on the hallways. In Jack's head everything was dull.  
Until Rei monotonously answered: "I know."

It was too much. It was all way too much for Jack. Did Rei really not care at all? Did he not care for his own life? And did he not care for him?  
Rei's face still didn't betray any signs of emotion at all, agitating Jack even further.  
"What are you thinking? Why does it have to be you going out there? Or do you want to be the hero after all?", he shouted.  
Jack grabbed Rei's shoulder hard, but the pilot didn't even flinch. Jack pulled him towards himself on the collar with both hands. He wanted to shake him, even wanted to punch him just to see the hint of a reaction for once.  
But Rei's words stopped him, before he could.  
"Let me go."  
Jack's eyes widened. His grip tightened again for a second, before his hands fell away, his whole body too weak all of a sudden to be fighting with the pilot, anyway. His head was spinning. He didn't want to let Rei go. Not let him leave. Not let him vanish out of his life as if he had never existed in the first place. But if that was what Rei wanted – he was powerless.  
His head dropped low like the beaten dog he felt. As if Rei's words afflicted more pain than violence ever could.  
"I was sure that you'd be saying that…"  
His lips drew up into a bitter smile. There was nothing he could say or do that would change Rei's mind. He knew that now. He should have realized it before, but foolishly his hopes had made him believe otherwise. It had been nothing more than wishful thinking.

Jack had left that night without saying another word. Had left this darkness behind. Had left Rei to himself – and to his own silence.  
But in reality Jack was the one feeling in the dark and feeling left alone, lost in an emptiness nothing could fill.  
He hadn't even attended the final meeting. He had stayed in his office the whole time, staring at the screen but not seeing anything, lost in thought as Rei's last words continued to echo in his head.  
Let me go.  
He had let him go – even though he had wanted to scream at him further.  
Let me go.  
He hadn't stopped Rei from flying off to his certain death.  
Let me go.  
But he would never be able to forget him for real. To give him up entirely.

Jack's eyes suddenly cleared as the fog on his mind lifted.  
"Rei." He spoke the name quietly as if it was the answer to everything.  
And it was – it was the key. The missing piece of the puzzle.  
In an instant Jack was up on his feet and running.

As fast as his legs would carry him he sprinted towards the main deck.  
All these times. He had always told him. He had thought he had understood the few words Rei had uttered – not just last night but always. In truth the silence had been the answer all along. The unspoken words that had lingered in-between. He needed to convey their full meaning this time, because he had never meant them more literally in all the years.  
He stumbled on the deck, breathing hard. No one was paying attention to him as he walked past all the generals and high ranking officers to the com station. Only Edith blinked at him in surprise. He didn't care even so.  
Jack grabbed the free headset with determination, his eyes fixed on the image projected on the interior walls of the large ship.  
"Rei." He was sure the pilot could hear him, even though there was no response.  
"You have to return."  
(I can't let you go – not like this, not ever.)  
"That's an order."  
When there finally came the answer Jack swore he could feel the rare smile on Rei's lips.  
"Roger."  
And with a relieved sigh he sunk back into his chair. Rei would keep this promise. He always did.

– FIN –


End file.
